I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize