Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
