you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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