The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
