shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize