Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
