I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
