kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
