I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
