I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
