FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
