Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
