i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
