He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
