he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
