As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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