If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
