just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
