Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
