wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
