ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
