...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
