i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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