You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
