and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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