called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
