so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
