??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
