Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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