we're chasing vodka with high fives
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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