The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
