dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
