brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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