you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We just shotgunned beers for America
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize