I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
