Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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