I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
