its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
