woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He felt like a one man threesome
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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