Kareoke will never be a sober sport
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize