4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
