i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
