so explain again why im purple
no
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
