I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it's great music for shaving your balls
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
