omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize