4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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