I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
