When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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