The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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