I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
