what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
