What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
