Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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