I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
