I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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