did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
