You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
