hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
