I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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