I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize