yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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