I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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