i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
