Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
PANTIES FOUND
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