I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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