I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize