hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
