Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize