Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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