I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
