AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
