I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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