party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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