I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
