I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
