Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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