Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
