Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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