I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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