I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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