I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
