I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
