Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize