I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
