My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
