Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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