Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
