I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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