The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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