I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
