I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
