Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
