I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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