My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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