remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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