So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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