So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
