i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
