So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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