i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
