dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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